Lessons learned... again

The last few months have been so very reminiscent of a time long past, that I was praying I would never have to go through again, I truthfully I thought that life had moved on and I had learned my lessons well enough to protect myself from the pain that others seem to have over me..
So a great friend of mine before the majority of this painful trial began, sent me a great book to help me with some other issues that I have been sorting through..and it has been just perfect for where I have found myself at (thank you Amy) The Peacegiver is the name of the book. It goes through and talks about how the greatest wars that we fight tend to be with those that we love and are closest to in our lives, our family. I know for myself over the years that I have chosen to work on relationships that I really felt that I needed to have, those who I felt were family to me some family by blood, others family by choice. Some of these I have been given by the introduction into my life by the men that I have loved past and present..
Some of the greatest lessons I have learned recently is just because I have some of these people in my life, doesn't mean that I have to open up and trust.. even though that is what I felt I needed to do to help them get to know me as a person!
I have been one of those people who trust too much and too easily as those who truly know me say.. and I seem to place my heart on the chopping block for those who really don't have a clue what is in the heart they are chopping at.. nor do they care, or even know that it was there to begin with.
So here is where my dilemma has been.. I know who I am, I have no worries there I know I am a Child of God, something that a great man taught me from a very young age by asking me the simple question "who are you?" and never allowing me to answer by saying my name with out the simple correction of "No, that is your name, baby who are you?" and I will admit it many times took me saying "I don't Know" to which he always reminded me that I am a Child of God.. That is one thing that I know so deeply that I can say that it is a part of me now... all because of that simple question that I ask my children as often as I remember.. for more reasons that for what it taught me, also for what it reminds me, they are not my children, they are God's and I have them as a gift, and a loan to teach them just that same thing They are his... and no matter what they do, or even what I do, that he loves them, and me unconditionally.
Over the years life has handed me alot, some great, and some things that I wish to never ever have to relive again, as I am sure so many of all of us that walk this earth feel at one time or another.. but the one thing that I seem to fail to learn is where to stop trying with some one who truly does not care to have you in their life is, and where to stop trusting people with the sacred parts of my own life!! I am not sure that is a lesson that I will ever learn!
As for now, I know that I trust to blindly with everyone I meet, and some of those people I am SO grateful that I did because they are worth every ounce of that trust and far more they enrich my life with every breath they take.. and others, well those are they who stand at the chopping block.
Years ago I had a very serious problem with some church leaders and things they felt they had the right to share with others, from things that were told to them in the privacy of closed doors, as well as judgments that came from that situation and from other advise they felt they needed to give weather it was against the Church's stance or not. I kept pushing through for years with this type of a problem all around me, until my back was finally broken by people I trusted saying that I didn't have the right to any spiritual gifts because of things in my life beyond my control.
I have recently started trying to attend church again, and thou not in my ward, I once again in my church through those who I did trust, have found this same type of judgment in my life once again.. so I am left looking at my babies and thinking "are these people that I want them to emulate, if this is a consistency with the people of this religion, do I want them to be raised up thinking that judgment in any form is OK?" So I have taken alot of time and pain to decide to go even more slowly on the path to religion.. not spirituality mind you, but religion!
There are so many that think I need to be on their page, to be the way, and live by the limitations that they have set for me as a person, and the one thing I have found and I have been told repetitively by those who know and love me for who I am, I am not one to ever go with the norm, or to stick with in the limits that people think I should have, and I am finally seeing what they have been seeing in me for so long.. I am an amazing person, I have much to give to those who would choose to receive it, I have a life that I live to my own beat.. but the drummer who I choose to listen to I know is Christ, but Thankfully he allows me to follow at a pace that I know will be most beneficial for me and my family!~ I am ever so grateful for the path that he allows me to walk, and for the chance that he gives me to make my own choices however different they may be to what those around me say he wants for me.. for I know more than anything I will one day look in his eyes, and he will hold me in his arms and tell me that I have done well, and that he loves me, and he will know that I love him so fully, and so totally that never would I deny him... or all that he does for me! I know as his child I make many many mistakes, but I never lie to him.. for me to live anything other than what I truly am.. would be a lie to myself!!!!!!!
Thank you to those who have taken the time to find out who I am, and to make a difference in my life and to love me.. and giving me the blessing to love you as well!!!

Change of Blog...

So very sorry guys.. I know this is an inconvience for most but we are having to change our blog spot due to some very unwated complications.. so this is our new home... Hope you all get changed over easily.. again so sorry! I know it can be frusterating.